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Managing and controlling a divorce




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Divorce and Separation: How to Talk to Your Kids

Around 28% of children born to married couples will have witnessed their parents’ divorce by the time they reach the age of sixteen. For children, the separation and eventual termination of a marriage can be a difficult period as they wonder what will happen next. They may be fearful of the changes that will occur in their lives as a result of their family no longer living as a unit. When parents are considering divorce, they often question if their children will be okay.

Should they stay married until their children are grown and leave home so that they may be raised in a two-parent household, or should they divorce and live as two happy, secure persons so that their children are not exposed to the stress and tension that an unhappy marriage can bring? Unfortunately, no one can make this decision for you; each family must make its own choices based on its own dynamics.

There are a few things you can do if you and your partner decide to divorce to reduce the impact divorce will have on your children. However, keep in mind that there will be emotional consequences and some turmoil on their part, and you may need to seek counseling or therapy.

Tips on How to Talk to Your Kids:

• Explain to them that you and your partner’s legal split was not caused by them. It is not their responsibility, and they played no role in causing it. Remind your children that no matter how you and your partner feel about each other, you and your partner will always love them and that they are essential to both of you.

• Make every effort to maintain consistency in your children’s life. Allow them to stay in the same house, go to the same school, and have the same friends if at all possible. Carrying on with the same daily activities, interests, and groups provides them with a sense of familiarity that can be quite soothing during a difficult emotional period, as well as an outlet for their emotions.

• Continue to meet for drop-offs and pickups, and make it a habit. While this may be one of the few times you see your ex, try to make the exchanges nice for the sake of your child. Involving your children in adult arguments or troubles isn’t a good approach to deal with them, and it will just lead to more strife.

• Legal considerations When going through a divorce, it may seem hard to avoid confrontation and dispute; yet, keeping children out of these disagreements as much as possible is the best approach. Avoid involving them in the disagreement, sending them messages back and forth, and exacerbating their emotional problems, as this will just add to their stress.

• Divorce and separation are not simple procedures. It is natural for both you and your children to be unhappy during the legal process. The most you can hope for is that your children do not hold themselves responsible for your legal actions. Work with them to demonstrate that both you and your partner love them completely.

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